MacGyver and Soldado
My blanket is what I like to call the “motivation killer.” My alarm goes off and I open my eyes, ready to train. Then something mysterious happens, my blanket will not let me out of the bed. It entangles me in its warm tentacles and simultaneously tells me to lay back down. A fight ensues and most days I am victorious. Some days I wish I had lost that fight with my blanket.
It takes a certain type of person to wake up on a cold morning before 5 a.m. to train You can’t have a personal life or have any semblance of logic or reasoning. The normal people are still in bed having lost that fight with their demonic blankets. I tread through the dark morning to reach my gym, while singing a song trying to wake up my body. I never know what lies ahead of me when I reach those doors of doom that lead to my fitness center. Yesterday, I approached those doors feeling unbelievably energetic. I knew that my schedule would allow me to train, go back to my apartment, and take a quick morning nap before the day started. With that sweet prize of sleep in the back of my head, I entered the weight room and was met with a faint smell of urine and apples. The drunken obscenities hit my ears at the same time. Over by the bench press area sat a rotund woman of maybe 25, yelling at some unknown and unlucky person on a cell phone. She was dressed in the previous evening’s garb. Her ensamble included jeans (how did she get into them) and a partially ripped black lace top that had a light stain on the front of it. She explained to the person on the other end of the phone that they didn’t appreciate her and she only had a few apple martinis the previous evening. She then exclaimed that any man would be happy to have a real woman in their bed. I ignored her and proceeded to stretch out, then I heard the words that will live in infamy until my dying days….”I’ll show you, you can’t tell me what to do, I can do what I want!!!!” The cell phone she was holding dropped to floor and she turned making eye contact with me. I froze unable to move as she stumbled towards me, attempting a half smile in the process. She came closer and my mind was screaming for me to run but I couldn’t. I thought about trying one of the many esquivas my mestre had shown me, but they didn’t come out. The last thing I remember was thinking was what combination I could use to escape this inevitable act that was about to befall me. Then she reached, grabbed me and kissed my cheek. My mouth then dropped open not from surprise, but from the gag reflex that kicked in, because now I knew where that smell of urine and apples was coming from. She winked at me next, and stumbled out the door. Traumatized, I went back to my apartment jumped in the shower and cradled myself for the next hour trying erase the memory of her and that smell from my mind.
Capoeira had failed me.
Superbuff Drunk woman in my gym workout-At home, do pushups to failure and then stretch your arms and upper body. Next perform crunches to failure and stretch you abdominal muscles. Follow these exercises by going for a 2 mile run.
*Drunk lady, I left your cell phone and what appeared to be a bra and half eaten bag of chips in the manager’s office.
